How to Heal Abandonment Trauma: Rebuilding Trust in Yourself and Others

Abandonment trauma is deeply personal and can shape the way we navigate relationships, self-worth, and emotional security. Whether caused by childhood neglect, a sudden breakup, or the loss of a loved one, the pain of abandonment runs deep. But the good news is that healing is possible. If you’ve been wondering how to heal abandonment trauma, the journey starts with understanding your emotions, recognizing patterns, and taking small but meaningful steps toward self-trust and connection.

How Do I Fix My Abandonment Issues?

Healing abandonment trauma doesn’t happen overnight, but it begins with self-awareness. Many people who struggle with abandonment issues find themselves trapped in cycles of fear, insecurity, or self-sabotage in relationships. The first step is acknowledging how these patterns show up in your life.

Here’s where to start:

1. Identify Your Triggers – Notice what situations or interactions bring up feelings of fear, rejection, or unworthiness. Is it when someone takes longer than usual to respond to a message? Does conflict make you anxious? Understanding these triggers can help you respond differently.

    

2. Practice Self-Soothing Techniques – When those feelings arise, instead of panicking or seeking immediate reassurance, try grounding exercises, meditation, or journaling. Learning to comfort yourself helps break the cycle of seeking external validation.

    

3. Challenge Negative Thoughts – Many who struggle with abandonment trauma carry subconscious beliefs like, I am not lovable or Everyone will eventually leave me. Challenge these thoughts by questioning their validity and replacing them with more balanced perspectives.

    

4. Seek Support – Whether through therapy, support groups, or close friendships, opening up to safe people can be a transformative part of healing abandonment trauma.

    

What Are the 5 Stages of Abandonment Healing?

Much like grief, healing abandonment trauma happens in stages. While everyone’s journey is unique, these five stages can provide a roadmap:

1. Shattering – This is the initial shock of abandonment, where overwhelming pain, panic, and grief take over. It may feel unbearable, but acknowledging these emotions is crucial.

    

2. Withdrawal – The emotional pain intensifies as the reality of abandonment sinks in. This stage often brings self-doubt, a deep longing for connection, and physical symptoms like fatigue or anxiety.

    

3. Internalizing – At this point, many people start to blame themselves. They may believe they weren’t “good enough” to be loved or that they are destined to be abandoned. Recognizing these false narratives is key to moving forward.

    

4. Rage/Rebellion – Anger emerges, often directed at the person who left or at oneself. While difficult, this stage is necessary for setting boundaries and reclaiming personal power.

    

5. Lifting/Acceptance – The final stage brings clarity and the ability to engage in relationships without fear. You begin to trust yourself, recognize your worth, and open yourself up to healthy connections without the constant fear of abandonment.

    

What Attachment Style is an Abandonment Issue?

Understanding attachment styles can be incredibly helpful when figuring out how to heal abandonment trauma. Attachment styles develop early in life based on how caregivers responded to our needs, and they shape how we connect with others in adulthood.

• Anxious Attachment – Those with anxious attachment often fear abandonment the most. They may become clingy, overly sensitive to rejection, or require frequent reassurance in relationships.

   

• Avoidant Attachment – Some people deal with abandonment trauma by shutting down emotionally. They may avoid closeness, struggle to express feelings, or push people away to prevent getting hurt.

   

• Disorganized Attachment – This style is a mix of anxious and avoidant traits. It often results from severe abandonment experiences, leading to difficulty trusting others while simultaneously craving connection.

   

• Secure Attachment – The goal in healing abandonment trauma is to move toward a secure attachment style. Securely attached individuals feel comfortable with intimacy and independence, knowing their worth isn’t defined by external validation.

   

If you recognize yourself in one of the insecure attachment styles, know that healing is possible. Through self-awareness, therapy, and intentional relationship-building, you can shift toward a more secure way of connecting.

Where is Abandonment Trauma Stored in the Body?

Trauma isn’t just emotional—it’s physical. Our bodies remember what our minds sometimes try to forget. When dealing with abandonment trauma, unprocessed emotions can manifest in physical symptoms and tension.

Common places where abandonment trauma is stored in the body include:

• The Chest – Feelings of heartbreak, loneliness, or anxiety can create tightness in the chest, shallow breathing, or even panic attacks.
• The Stomach – The gut is often called the “second brain,” and emotional stress can cause digestive issues, nausea, or loss of appetite.
• The Shoulders and Neck – Carrying the weight of past abandonment can create chronic tension, stiffness, or even headaches.
• The Nervous System – People with abandonment trauma may experience a constant state of hypervigilance, feeling “on edge” or unable to relax.

Releasing trauma from the body is a crucial step in healing. Practices like deep breathing, yoga, massage therapy, and somatic therapy can help regulate the nervous system and release stored pain.

Moving Forward: How to Heal Abandonment Trauma

Healing abandonment trauma is a journey of self-discovery, patience, and resilience. It’s about learning to trust yourself again, recognizing your worth, and embracing relationships from a place of confidence rather than fear.

Here are a few final reminders:

• Healing takes time. Some days will be harder than others, but progress isn’t always linear.
• You are not unlovable. The pain of abandonment does not define your worth or future relationships.
• Support is essential. Whether through therapy, close friendships, or journaling, expressing your emotions helps lighten the burden.
• Building self-trust is the key. The more you learn to rely on yourself emotionally, the less power abandonment fears will hold over you.

If you’ve been wondering how to heal abandonment trauma, remember that healing isn’t about erasing the past—it’s about learning how to live fully despite it. You are capable of building a life where connection feels safe, love is fulfilling, and trust is possible again.